Embracing and Owning

On any given day, I often find myself thinking that I should have done this or I wish I did that instead of whatever it was that ultimately happened. I obsessively go over in my mind all the "wrong" things that happened that were in my control, such as words I may have said or wrote and how I maybe should not have said it that particular way (just an example). It's really a nuisance. I try to convince myself that it happened, it's over, time to move on. Maybe it's not nearly as bad as I think it is. Or not. Maybe it was but no one really noticed. Maybe they did and are just being polite. {I really take the art of being my own self-critic to a new level.}

I go through this exercise daily. It's crazy, yes, I know. Which, I suppose is why I had to smile when I came across this posting on PQ Nation "Owning Your Words". Princess Q quotes Sonia Choquette when she says "Behind every word flows energy." Then PQ urges her readers to "figure out your flaws and your strengths…and OWN THEM. Don’t give ANYONE ELSE power over YOU."

This is the mantra I've been using lately "Embrace your imperfections." Go ahead - call me a head case. I know I am. There, see: I owned that! I have to keep reminding myself that behind all these words flow energy, like superpowers, and they are to be used for good. I really do need some good energy right now.

The Perfect Boss?

File this under "um...ok?"

Ever have an employer who could easily be described as a "Hitler" of sorts?

I have to say, I've been lucky when it comes to having great bosses. No, really. I'm serious. Two people stand head-and-shoulders above the rest, since I would describe them more as "mentors", "friends", and "inspirations" than "bosses." There may have been one or two that raised eyebrows, but none were ever totally horrific. But I know others who have not been as fortunate.

Then there is Rosa Mitterer, a 91-year old woman in Germany who was a maid for Hilter himself back in the 1930s at his retreat house in Bavaria. According to this article in the London-based Mail Online, Hitler was the perfect boss and treated her, and her sister - also an employee - well. Mitterer, the last survivor of his staff from the years just prior to the onset of World War II, remarks, "That he had ordered such terrible things, I just couldn't believe it. Even now, I prefer to remember the charming facets of his personality." Right.

Does this mean even the absolute worst of all mankind has the ability to be human? More importantly, does this mean we need to find a new reference for all loathsome bosses?

A Hand for Brit Brit

I have a confession to make.

Going against all I believe to be good music, I find myself curiously addicted to the sticky, sweet, overdubbed current single of Britney Spears, "Womanizer." <click here to listen>.

Now, I would not call myself a Britney Spears fan, but it's not her fault. When she first appeared on the scene as a pop princess (post "Mickey Mouse Club"), I was a senior in college listening to the post-folk folkies like Ani DiFranco, Sarah McLachlan and Dar Williams, chock-full of thought-provoking lyrics and girl power. I had moved out of the age of pop years before. To me, Britney's music focused more on synchronized dancing and thumping rhythms rather than actual singing. I didn't mind her insistent display of her personal sexual revolution - that's her prerogative (so to speak.) But that's all it seemed to be - there was no substance and that bothered me. I did give her a chance by watching Crossroads (yep - I did, but because a friend made me do it) and "Toxic" caught my attention. Just for a fleeting moment.

Thanks to non-stop pap coverage, we had the luxury of watching her train fall right off the tracks...down a steep embankment...plunging headfirst into a ravine. My heart goes out to the girl. With the controlling efforts of her father, the train has been pulled up and placed upright, although still mud-covered and dented. I didn't watch her special on MTV this week, but saw clips and she still seems miserable. We think she's doing much better because we don't get to watch her make a fool of herself anymore. For as famous as she is, we have to remember - she's still human.

Today is Britney's 27th birthday, and the release of her latest album, Circus. I sincerely wish her a happy day and a better year ahead. Her song (and probably her album) will put her back on top, but hopefully she'll be able to enjoy it on her own terms this time.

The NaNoWriMo that wasn't

Welcome, December!

Yesterday was the official close of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I was a participant...up to a point. Instead of reaching the goal of 50,000 words in 30 days, I clocked in at a measly 5,000. I lost steam about half way through and never regained it. I was disappointed in myself to say the least; after all, I truly intended on going the distance. But all is not lost, and I've learned quite a bit in the process, such as:

• The support I have for my writing is not just from family and friends but some unexpected sources like coworkers and other writers, and that's just outright awesome. (Thanks, guys!)
• Jumping into NaNoWriMo without a fully outlined novel is like running the NY Marathon without training.
• I cannot force myself to write. It needs to flow naturally, from a clear mind. Psyching myself out because I need to reach a word limit does not, in any way, make me a better writer, but...
• Having a goal was the push I needed to stay focused. However...
• I let my inner editor get the best of me and that's the first thing a writer should not do

I wonder at times if my so-called failure is a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Until I decided to take the plunge, I held true to my belief that "I don't do novels." Still, I wrote. It may not have been a novel, but I wrote...and learned. As insignificant as it might seem to the outside world, it was an accomplishment, however small, and it pushed that wall down in my mind that said I couldn't (or shouldn't) do it. Baby steps.

So, in short, I am entering December with a new sense of growth. Maybe I'm not the winner of the NaNoWriMo word count, but I am coming out of November a wiser (and for that, better) writer. Thanks again to those of you out there who supported me on this journey.