Leaving Your Mark (pt 2)

So...to get back to pondering about "leaving your mark"...

Lately, I've been reading one of those thin "Images of America" books from my town's historical society - you know the ones: a sepia photo on the front with lots of black and white photos inside and little tid bits about "what was" compared to "what is now." I love learning the history of people, places and things, especially when it's so close to home - literally. That parking lot? Used to be where the town stables were. That housing development? Used to be verdant fields stretching as far as the eye could see. I don't know any of the people in the photographs, but it doesn't matter.

As I flipped through the pages the other night, my husband commented on the photos and wondered what the "next generation" photo book would show. Years ago, at the end of the 1800s through the early 1900s, photographs were a big deal. The technology was new and exciting. Photos were special treasures. They captured moments in time that gave insight.

Fast forward to 2009. Digital technology is current. Photos on digital cameras and phones, no more film. Kodak has recently discontinued Kodachrome film (even if I still love the Paul Simon song). I actually miss taking my roll of film to be developed, anxiously waiting to receive that small package of processed 4"x6"surprises. I supposed you could still have film developed, and I have to say I'm jealous of those who have their own dark rooms and know how to process film. But...it's 2009. For the casual photo-taker like me, it's point, shoot, look at the playback to decide if it's acceptable, download and share. With the exception of my wedding and honeymoon photos, I haven't had photos printed in years. KodakGallery even threatened to remove our online accounts because we continually uploaded albums online but have not printed in the last 12 months.

So, where does that leave our "next generation" photo book? Some might say, nothing's changed. Technology is better, faster, sharper. We'll always have photos. Maybe. But will future generations get a feeling for how we lived? As evident by the ease of deleting photos, among other things, we have become a disposable society - daresay, a restless society - one that may not value things the same way as earlier generations. What do our photos say about us?

Don't mind me...I'm just feeling a bit nostalgic again. But it's food for thought, don't you think?

Leaving Your Mark (pt 1)

This weekend, I saw a bumper sticker that read "Leaving your mark is overrated."

Those 5 simple words struck me. Probably not in the way they were intended, but they struck me just the same.

The bumper sticker was from the "Leave No Trace" Center for Outdoor Ethics shop . The center is basically to help foster understanding, respect and commitment to enjoyment of outdoor activities with the least amount of damage to the environment.

When I saw it, though (ironically, as we were both stuck in NJ shore traffic, no doubt adding to our carbon footprint), it translated in my brain as "Leaving a legacy is overrated." And it blew just about all I had known out the door for that brief minute.

I cannot think of a single person who does not want to leave his or her "mark" on the world. I know I want to. You probably do, too. When my mother passed away over 18 years ago at the age of 39 (8 years from my current age), she had already built a "legacy" that is still highly regarded. As a parent, she, without a doubt, left a lasting impression that shaped (and continues to shape) her children. As a teacher, her students learned lessons that they carry with them today. As a person, she conducted herself with grace, intelligence, and love that remains with all those who knew her. She did not plan or map this out as some kind of strategy; it was organic. It was truthful. She didn't even have social media to help her extend her reach (imagine that). So, then, I ask myself...what will be my so-called legacy.

I struggle with this all the time. Maybe you do, too. Maybe not. Some people are satisfied with just living and having it all sort of come together. What happens, happens. If a legacy emerges, fine. Others have a very specific plan. Whether genuinely philanthropic or self-serving, they may chose actions that change the condition or situation of people or places that will, one way or another, be remembered...at least for a few years. For generations? That would depend on alot of factors, which I won't get into now.

I stress over what my "mark" will be. What are we doing here? What am I doing here? Our lives must serve some kind of purpose, right? Am I doing anything that will improve someone's life, that will make a difference? Is it something that I sought or something that sought me? Am I forcing the change, and is the change needed? Years from now, will anyone even care that I lived? Will I be remembered as a good person or a selfish, lazy one? Does it matter what people might think about me?

Yes, I can really be that neurotic. Welcome to my world. But in all seriousness, after seeing that bumper sticker, it had me wonder...why am I stressing over this? Do I really need to leave my mark? What difference would it make anyway?

I suppose it comes down to this: Whatever the reason for our existence, we are not here to suck dead air and take up wasted space. We are on this earth with each other for a reason, and I believe we each have a talent to bring about a change. Now...all we have to do is figure what that talent and/or change may be...

Baby Boom

Maybe it's just my imagination, but this year more than any other that I can remember in recent history seems to be another big Baby Boom year.

It started slow. A good friend announced her pregnancy with her second child in January. I couldn't have been happier for her. Then a week later, I found out another friend was expecting....then another, and another. Then I learned of a few people I know who recently gave birth. One, in fact, recently delivered twins. Then another pregnancy announcement...

It's been like that since the beginning of the year. I think, all told, between women I know who are expecting and those who have just given birth, there are 12 friends (or more) bringing new life to 2009. And each new life brings so much joy.

I'm not sure if this new Baby Boom is because we are now at an age where we're settled and able to raise families, whether it's a sign of hopefulness for the new Obama administration, whether it's a sign of hope for better times ahead, or just mere coincidence. Me? Well, let's just say my day is still to come.

So, here is a big, warm, heartfelt congratulations to these wonderful women and their newborns! All the best!

Happy Monday

I have nothing earth-shattering or thought-provoking to say today, but I'm feeling good and thought I'd share.

Today is President's Day here in the U.S. My company had the good sense to declare a holiday, so I have been savoring my extra day out of the office. Some other things about the long weekend that brought a smile to my face:

• My wonderful husband and the nice Valentine's Day we spent together, eating Indian food and seeing a new movie in the theatre
• Reconnecting on facebook with not one, but three people from Germany that participated in a student exchange with me back in the day
• Learning that a good friend of mine is expecting
• Successfully baking for the first time, from scratch, all fresh ingredients - eggplant parmesan
• Finally taking a step toward home-reconstruction. Finally.
• Having the sun shine in a way to remind me that spring is coming soon
• Sharing an afternoon shopping trip and lunch with my wonderful sister

It's the little things that make me smile. What has made you smile today?

Embracing and Owning

On any given day, I often find myself thinking that I should have done this or I wish I did that instead of whatever it was that ultimately happened. I obsessively go over in my mind all the "wrong" things that happened that were in my control, such as words I may have said or wrote and how I maybe should not have said it that particular way (just an example). It's really a nuisance. I try to convince myself that it happened, it's over, time to move on. Maybe it's not nearly as bad as I think it is. Or not. Maybe it was but no one really noticed. Maybe they did and are just being polite. {I really take the art of being my own self-critic to a new level.}

I go through this exercise daily. It's crazy, yes, I know. Which, I suppose is why I had to smile when I came across this posting on PQ Nation "Owning Your Words". Princess Q quotes Sonia Choquette when she says "Behind every word flows energy." Then PQ urges her readers to "figure out your flaws and your strengths…and OWN THEM. Don’t give ANYONE ELSE power over YOU."

This is the mantra I've been using lately "Embrace your imperfections." Go ahead - call me a head case. I know I am. There, see: I owned that! I have to keep reminding myself that behind all these words flow energy, like superpowers, and they are to be used for good. I really do need some good energy right now.

Taking Inventory

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I had been planning for a while to include a post about all the things for which I'm thankful. When I finally sat down to write it out, I realized there are way to many things to be included in one post. In fact, I could probably use each post from here on out to list all the things that bless my life. That in itself is a blessing.

So, at the top of my "thankful list", I include:
- My loving husband
- My supportive family and friends
- Having a good job and being respected by coworkers
- Having enough money to pay bills and such
- Our home

Then there are many other things that are often taken for granted but are no less important, and therefore, no less appreciated:
- Our fireplace
- Having a car
- The Internet
- Living in an area that offers many opportunities
- Having the right to vote and speak for/against our leaders
- Being able to openly speak my mind, right or wrong
- Being able to blog about my life and opinions and having people actually read it!

This is just a sampling. Now it's your turn. What are some things you are thankful for?

Puzzle Pieces and Such

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I know - how hackneyed, right? Well, I've seen it with my own eyes. It's true. I may not realize it at the time, but when the pieces all fall into their places, I can see the big picture and think "aha!" I wouldn't call myself a religious person, but it's those moments that make me a believer in divine intervention.

Case and point: A few years ago (I often say "in a previous life"), I worked at a large corporation. It was a wonderful job - an experience like none other in my life up to that point. My coworkers were truly like family. I also was dating someone in the company, but that's neither here nor there. Life was just dandy. Flash forward to post 9/11. The company took a big hit and downsized its workforce, including me. My surrogate family was cut off. My relationship fell to pieces. Things were about as low as they could have been....until I started working at another company. The job itself was terrible, but it was there that I met the man who is now my husband. SO (taking the long road like I usually do to make a point) had those events not happened, as bleak as it all seemed at the time, I would not have found my best friend, my inspiration, and the true love of my life. And for that, I am grateful.

TMI? Yeah. That's how I do. So, why do I tell you this? Because there are those days that seem like life just keeps ripping the carpet from you, that things are as low as they can get, but I believe there is a bigger plan. I remind myself of this every time that I am struggling - it's all just a piece to a bigger puzzle. Be patient. It will come together.

We Need a Little Christmas

Would you believe there are only 37 days until Christmas? Holy cow.

I suddenly feel like I have that deer-in-the-headlights look. 37 days. Doesn't seem like that big of a deal until I start factoring how those days will be spent: a few days here for Thanksgiving, a few days there for business travel (fingers crossed that I'm not snow-bound on my trips), a day or two for the Christmas cookie baking marathon with my sister, a few days to write out and mail cards. Then there is the annual tradition my husband and I have of going into "the city" (NYC to the rest of you) to see the tree at Rockefeller Center, window displays, St. Patrick's Cathedral - all the usual holiday tourist traps. I won't even mention the shopping for both sides of the family. It's because of the holiday mall madness that I now prefer to do as much shopping online as I can, any time of year.

For all the craziness of the season, I love it. I really do. There is a warm glow about the holidays that is not duplicated any other time of year. The excitement of anticipation and preparing...and wishing for snow on Christmas day (yes, I've had the same wish every year since I was a kid.) So, this morning as snow flurries floated outside my windows, the excitement started to build. I even listened to a few Christmas songs on my ipod driving to work.

I know, I know. Normally, I would say that it's way too early for that. It's not even Thanksgiving, for crissakes. No doubt, retailers are pushing the holidays big time this year, too, doing all they can to encourage people to buy, buy, buy in these hard economic times that could mean the store's survival or demise. But - to repeat the cliche - the holidays are not about buying. It's not about the lights and decorations or songs. It's about the love and the spirit of giving. This year, probably more than any other in recent memory, I think it's important that those who are able give what they can to help others. Seriously. I'm not going to list all the charities that are out there, and I'm not going to plead with you to donate to them; that has to be your own choice. But I do ask that you remember, maybe a little more than usual, that there are many more this year that need help - and it's never too early to start giving.

Thanks.

Let Love Rule

There has been a substantial buzz lately about Proposition 8, which was a ballot proposition that received majority vote in last week's election in California. In essence, it would overturn a recent California Supreme Court decision that had recognized same-sex marriages in California and only recognize marriage as an act between a man and a woman.

Now, I'm not a gay American, but I have many friends who are. And, sure, I live all the way on the East Coast in little New Jersey - a state, as far as I'm aware, that only recognizes civil unions and domestic partnerships, but has not taken the full leap to recognize same-sex marriages. So, what do I care about what goes on in California? Well, I guess because it's a fight that has been happening all across our country, and while California's debate is the most visible right now, it reflects the struggle going on in every state and home town, and it's time for the country to open its eyes, minds and hearts.

There are many conservatives who will argue that marriage is a sanctimonious act reserved, per the Bible, ONLY between man and woman. It is, indeed, sanctimonious, but the way I see it - if you love a person - whether same sex or not - and are willing to spend the rest of your life with them, share a home, share maybe even a family, then why shouldn't you be married? I've seen too many heterosexual couples get married for all the wrong reasons, only to end in divorce. But because the couples met the criteria for what a "traditional marriage" should involve (i.e., being a man and a woman), does that mean their unions were more holy or acceptable than same-sex couples who have stayed together for decades with unwavering love? Not in my eyes.

Bible thumpers and old timers will say that allowing same-sex couples to celebrate marriage and receive all the rights and benefits reserved for married couples will hurt "traditional marriage" by teaching immorality to our children. What? Next thing you'll say is that a black man should never be allowed to become President (..oh wait...) By allowing Prop8 to be pursued doesn't mean that gay people will simply go away. They should not be shunned in such a gross, deliberate form of discrimination. They are people, too, and should be given the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts. The fight continues, but in this day and age of progress, should it really have to?

Layperson's Lingo

ex·pert (/n., v. ˈɛk spɜrt; adj. ˈɛk spɜrt, ɪkˈspɜrt/)
1. experienced
2: having, involving, or displaying special skill or knowledge derived from training or experience
3. Anyone other than me
-----------------------------------------
A special thanks to Webster's Dictionary for including definition #3.

I'm "good" at many things but by no means an "expert", and I never claimed to be. Trust me, I wish I could make such claims, but, alas, no. I don't even think I'm perceived to be an expert! And I cannot give a good reason either. Excuses, maybe:

1. Not Enough Time. If I had a dollar for every time I said that...Still, it's true. I wish I had the time to devote to learning a craft, like, say, poetry. I mean, learn how to do it properly. My schedule doesn't make such allowances. I commute, work/travel for business, run errands/make dinner/do laundry/keep the house from falling down, sleep; repeat. If I'm lucky (and I'm not a gambler) I get to see my friends or talk to them on the phone every so many blue moons when the corn is yea-high and Jupiter aligns with Mars...

2. No Formal Training. Ultimate Frisbee doesn't count, nor does understanding the rules of Monopoly. Knowing how to type fast doesn't truly count, although it could if I hype it up a bit. I never took piano. I never played a real sport. I never took singing lessons. I studied languages in school and forgot most of it except the important phrases needed when abroad ("¿Dónde esta el baño?") My career path has made me an "expert" in many-a-thing, but none of which are interesting enough to blog about. And, it should go without saying, I do not have a degree in the fine art of poetry. (I know, right? Shocker)

3. (This only applies here) No Published Works. And the focus of my blog is supposed to be on poetry. Look to the most popular blogs about poetry. You'll find the likes of Ron Silliman and Alfred Corn, both well-established in their fields. Look at some other blogs - nearly every blog of any substance is by an author of at least one chapbook but often more, has an established career in writing and are usually professors at "College." They are the experts. They are the ones who know what they're doing. They have all the right in the world to have a blog and give opinions and provide feedback or whatnot when it comes to poetry. Me?...well, that's the question of the day.

I guess I've been thinking a bit about a blog posting from an old classmate of mine, Sarah Morgan, who herself is an expert in the area of social media and I'm sure many other things. That's not why I include her here. Her posting "Fake It Till You Make It, Or Don't" struck a cord; the message could be applied to anything if need be, but naturally, I focus on myself. I think about the direction of this here blog and where it's going (seemingly into outer space), whether it maintains the reason I began the blog (it doesn't), and whether I even have any right to continue the blog (ok, I know I have a "right" but what am I DOING here?)

I need to reorganize a bit. I've asked for feedback and suggestions on the blog and received the applause of crickets. It seems that excuses #1-3 maybe impeding me a bit. Time to chip away at #1...

Thought of the Day #4

Create your own space.

Thought of the Day #3

Don't worry about what other people think; do it for your own enjoyment.

Could we be better neighbors?

I live on a sleepy, dead-end street. At the end of the street are tracks for the local train, lightly hidden by a scattering of trees; behind my house - a cemetery. Can't ask for quieter neighbors than that. The houses all around us have children under the age of 10, and it's nice to see the kids play out in the street with each other, unaffected by traffic or the pressures of the world. Neighbors say hello and even chat a bit. All told, it's a pleasant place to be.

Still, and an older neighbor pointed this out to us a few weeks ago, there are some neighbors that move in and we have no idea who they are. They don't have block parties like they used to. I don't even know much about the neighbors I do talk to. Most places, people don't even get that much from their neighbors. What do you really know about the people next door to you? I think we've become so isolated in our little worlds. Antisocial? Definitely. I know I don't go out of my way to be involved in their lives, and they do the same. We tend to shut down and focus on our own problems rather than opening up to new people. It's really nothing new. Life isn't a Leave it to Beaver episode...although it did seem different when I was a kid.

I think that's why I smiled when I read Why Mr. Rogers was the Best Neighbor Ever. Who doesn't remember the cardigan-clad man with the slow drawl and zippy sneakers? He seemed so harmless - and he was. I guess we have to be cynical and wary of people; better to not trust than to find that you have a pedophile or murderer as a neighbor. Still, it's nice to imagine, for a minute, that our guards are down and we can trust again.

Thought of the Day #2

Get Creative!

Therapy Day?

Therapy Day? Well, no...but after reading this, you might think it should be.

So, I've been grappling with something for a long time. How personal do you get when you write, or, how personal do you get when you write online (or other publication) and for all to see?

I can see this going two ways:
1) I get personal. That's what people do online - they open up, raw and honest, to get a point across, to relate to the audience, or to just be noticed. After all, we are a voyeuristic society, and love train wrecks. How else do you explain the phenom of celebrity, or E! for that matter? Poetry should be pure, whether in observation or emotion, but to what level?

2) I give you glimpses but never really reveal the truth, out of fear (I would probably call it "courtesy") of not embarrassing myself, my friends or family. I've seen things, man. THINGS. But seriously, there's a lot more that could be released than what I've been giving. Read my personal journals, and you'll see the darker paints of me. I am crap at writing fiction, so heading in that direction to mask what's really there isn't such an option right now. But holding back doesn't do justice to the art, either.

I guess I've always worried that if I reveal too much in my writing, people will think I'm a head case, and maybe I am...no, I am - I'm pretty sure...or interpret the situations I write about differently than intended. I have to get over this fear...but keep it balanced...

Thought for Today

Never take yourself, or your work, too seriously.

Happiness Is...

So, apparently, Denmark is the happiest place on earth. Who knew? In a study directed by Ronald F. Inglehart, PhD - political scientist at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research - he discovered that Denmark is leading the rest of us in happiness points. I would have thought "The Netherlands" for all its hedonistic treasures.

The article on MSNBC is brief and obviously does not break down the scientific evaluation of the study, but I suspect there are some flaws. The two things that stand out are the that Denmark was selected because it is "prosperous", and "the most important determinant of happiness is the extent to which people have free choice in how to live their lives." Perhaps. Perhaps not.

I think alot about this topic - what makes us happy and why - and so this study caught my eye, as I'm sure it must have struck a cord with author Eric Weiner. On my more-or-less defunct blog Beyond the Exit Signs, I talked about his book The Geography of Bliss and his search for that very thing. First, he identified Iceland as the happiest place, but for reasons more substantial than that "it's properous. " Happiness to him was determined by strongholds like close-knit relationships and stability. I'm sure they have those, too, in Denmark.

What determines happiness is one of those things we tend to think alot about in the Western World and I'm not sure if we'll ever come to a resounding conclusion. What's certain though, for all its money and supposed stability, the United States is not ranked anywhere near the top of the happiest places. I would probably say less so this year than any recent year with the economy as it is. Ironically, on the same day (July 1), MSNBC also has an article that the U.S. leads the world in drug use. I feel our position slipping...