Love Thy Self

Ok, let's just get the obvious out of the way. Yes, it's been two months since my last post. No, I have not been wandering Bora Bora, been locked in a dungeon or anything of the sort. Just plain old busy.

Which is kinda a good segue into my post. Why do I feel the need to explain to my few wonderful readers out there why I haven't posted recently? Furthermore, how do I know it's just "a few" of you out there? Well...yeah, that's a little easier to quantify, but my point is...there's always that evil, little monkey in the corner of my brain that screams about living up to expectations...and feeling guilty about it when I don't.

Sure, most of the time, these are self-imposed expectations - things that should make me feel more confident about life, but more often than not, they make me feel worse. Way worse. To the point it changes-my-whole-disposition-kind of worse. I should live in a better home, have a better job, wear better clothes, weigh less, have perfect hair, be the confident, perky, radiant woman I'm meant to be. But then I realize "should" is not the same as "is" and that's when the trouble starts. There is a fear of admitting "failure". Even now, there is a sense "I should not post this", "what will they think?", "what if this sounds lame and my point isn't clear?" But that's also part of the shame and feeds into the perpetual cycle.

Which is why, when I saw this article about self compassion, I felt for once that I'm not alone in my experience. And reiterating that "the secret to success is the ability to fail." Not to say that failure is the goal, just - that we all fail from time to time, no one is perfect, and we have to be gentle with ourselves. Easier said than done. Bad habits are hard to break. But it gives me hope - and I'm posting this so that maybe I can pass along that hope to someone else.

Plastic Not-So Fantastic

Some questions are asked so frequently that they kind of become a joke. A hackneyed, overplayed, not-so-funny-anymore kind of joke.

Think "Boxers or briefs?"

Or "Paper or plastic?"

In recent years, I have made a conscious effort to not use plastic bags when I go grocery shopping. I have a few reusable bags (which, for the record, always amaze me with how much they can hold) and if I don't have enough of my own bags, I prefer paper bags, which I can use for my paper recycling. No fuss, no muss - no piles of of flimsy plastic bags that always leave me wondering whether they really will be recycled properly or just sit in a landfill somewhere. {Here's a site that is semi-helpful when it comes to learning more about plastic bag recycling}

But...well, is it me, or does it seem like grocery stores are really pushing people to use plastic bags?

If I ask for paper, I am asked in return "Paper inside of plastic?" No. Just paper. Pa-per.

If I'm bagging, and the check-out person decides to help bag the last few items, what does he or she automatically grab - even though not a single plastic bag has touched my hands? That's right. Plastic.

Last week, knowing I would need a few paper bags in addition to my own bags, I watched in horror as the check-out person actually removed a stack of paper bags, put them in hiding under the counter and presented a fresh pack of plastic bags. I felt a barely-audible whimper slip out as I stood by, almost helpless as my choice was taken away. I had to wonder if this was a global initiative by the store - is it cheaper for the store to offer plastic instead of paper?

I got my paper bags in the end, but wonder how many people would just go with the flow and not notice or care what bags are used, just like I used to do. Who knows. But I came across this article that breaks down the issue of paper vs. plastic.

Maybe one day, there won't even be a question of "Paper or plastic?"

On the Move

For the last few months, the predominant theme in my life has been moving.

First, my family helped move my grandparents from their home of 18 years to a place closer to the rest of the family. It was a big undertaking to say the least. We sorted, packed, tossed, sold, saved several decades worth of memories. Even the smallest item would hold some sort of sentiment. "I remember when your grandfather gave me this [item] when we first moved to [city] back in [year]." or some such phrasing. The mere act of holding some of the things churned memories that I had long forgotten and made me a little sad to watch things change. And it wasn't even my home.

Now, while not nearly as traumatic as moving from a beloved home, I face another move - at work. Our office is moving just a few miles up the road - not far at all, hardly enough to make a significant dent in my commute - but enough to be completely foreign after coming to work nearly every day for 8+ years to the same building. The process of sorting, packing, tossing, selling and saving things is in full swing. As a coworker said to me, "I never thought I would feel sad to see everything boxed up."

It will be a change for sure, on several levels. Still, as I sort through things I filed away years ago, I am reminded of the young adult I was when I started, the projects I worked on then and how I've grown professionally since. The "war stories," the memories of coworkers who have moved on, the clients who have changed. I will miss the familiar faces of others in the building, the town center at lunchtime on a warm sunny day, the gorgeous view from my office window. I realize how easy it is to get lost in the day-to-day, the frustrations, deadlines, and such, and how very easy it is to take for granted the little things that build memories. And how comfortable we become when in one spot for too long.

So, just like any change, it will take some time to get used to. I will need to start a new routine and adjust a little, but it's time to build some new memories and begin new stories. Until the next chapter of change is ready to unfold.

Such Random Things (Strange Brew Edition)

• Wikipedia is 10 years old already. That "free encyclopedia that anyone can edit" gained momentum over the years, and although I'm not sure it has earned respect as a legitimate resource, most people online have probably referred to it at least once over the last decade. And sometimes found reason to scratch our heads or laugh in the process.
  
  
• The Book of Mormon - coming to a Broadway theatre near you! From the creators of "South Park"...so, yeah...it's probably exactly what you expect. Not sure how folks would feel if it was called "The Bible" or "The Qur'an." On second thought, I know exactly how folks would feel.
  
  
• What lavishness will Kate and Wills plan for their wedding? I'm sure it will be lovely, but maybe they should avoid all that stress and just get hitched in Dunkin' Donuts like this couple. I wonder if the bride had wedding jitters {ba da bum}.
  
  
• Romania is proposing a tax on witches, astrologers, and fortunetellers.And the response of those to be taxed? Why, casting spells, of course. Naturally. I wonder what would have happened if that tactic had been used in Boston Harbor in 1773...