Running in a Race That's Long Ended

To have crammed my development
within four years of juvenile transition,
to have expected full plumage in adolescence,
and eloquence of my description
would have been a sorry misjudgement
of what I truly was, just about invisible,
and now mostly disappeared from memory
to those who sat in front, those traceable
still, and excelling the way I should be
(a competitive streak that is unbearable).

Back during those years, I tried to run beside
those in the lead; never much attention was paid
to the way I just couldn't connect pavement and stride,
and perhaps lack of ambition or direction plagued
what could have been triumphant instead of implied.
Confidence was never quite the ally, so still
I am running alone in a race that has long ended -
don't inquire about the stakes...just a whole to fill...
achievement to be counted, although now, I'm winded,
lagging as the precedent of enviable will.